(via kingsleyyy)Source: iraffiruse
As much as I love baking, I think my next venture will be to make myself a better cook. Every time I bake I have to eat whatever it is I make, and there’s not much nutritional value in sugar x_x
So I’ve got two recipes in mind to try first :D
1) Cheddar Vegetable Chowder
2) Healthy Turkey Meatloaf (minus the chili…I hate spicy food)
I am so hungry looking at these, and so excited to try cooking! :) And I want my bf to try.
Since we’re on the topic of ‘domesticated jobs’, and I also wanna try doing laundry…:S Yeah I fail @ life, never done my own laundry. I need to learn these skillz.
Wish me luck!
I just wanted to take some time to reflect on my life right now, thoughts bumping about in my head. It’s been awhile since I blogged.
I’m thinking about how annoying it is to ‘have’ to be witty all the time. Even on Facebook. People make a point, myself included, of trying to mask something ordinary in a clever and witty light. Why?
I ask WHY as a redundant question - I want whoever’s reading this to reflect on how often they put up a facade.
I feel like people on Facebook get a certain satisfaction from garnering ‘likes’, because they feel accepted.
I in turn feel rejected when no one ‘likes’ anything I’ve done, and it lowers my self-esteem. A pretty extreme reaction to such a small occurrence, I realize, but that’s just part of my disorder. I’ve come to accept that I may react a certain way to things, but I must counter the thought so I don’t dwell in a negative state.
Why is it so important for us as humans to feel acceptance from our peers. I don’t know if it’s a fundamental need, but it feels like it for me, what with my social phobias and anxiety.
I’m also annoyed at pseudoscience. I went to a chiropractic office earlier today, because it was free (an X-Ray and a consultation). I don’t think I will be returning. I can’t trust ‘doctors’ that charge you for visits. Side note: That is why I love the Canadian healthcare system, flawed though it may be, it’s fundamental concept is wonderful.
I also did some quick research when I got home, I googled people’s testimonials and opinions, etc., and I don’t believe in the practice. I’m too scientific I guess, too skeptical/analytic, whatever. It’s all too friendly, trying to reel me in for more visits. I don’t have money that I can just throw around.
I think I’ll just work on the muscles in my back to realign my spine, or ask my family doctor to refer me to physiotherapy. That at least works.
I went home sick from work yesterday. I felt bad, and guilty. I feel guilty a lot of the time. But I legitimately felt terrible - nauseous and abdominal pains. I don’t know what brought it on. I am sad that I lost 4 hours of work :(
My depression or whatever is kicking in at the moment, I don’t feel very motivated to go back to work today. I want the day off. This is the same problem I get when I am in school. I’m selfish with my time - I want all day long to be what I want. I want to go to the gym today and exercise, come home and shower, take a bubble bath, drink a protein shake, have a delicious healthy fiber-rich meal for dinner. Take care of my skin.
The important thing is that I identify the problem, and move forwards from there to fix it. I can’t lay in bed all day. Maybe I’ll read an anatomy book that I’ve been meaning to…
Why anatomy? Because it’s interesting and I like it, and I feel like if I don’t take the time to learn it now that I have so much time on my hands, I will regret not utilizing this time. Maybe I’ll be on the ‘right path’ someday, med-school bound. That is still my dream…I don’t know if it will be in 4 more years after another (possible) undergrad. Maybe I’ll be tired at that point, and just want to get my life going. I’ll be 26/27 years old after all.
I hope I get into Engineering at McMaster. I want a direction again. I want a second chance to start over, with a clean slate. I want to utilize all that I have learned about myself and about how to succeed at the University level and truly reach my full potential. I know I am smart, I know I can achieve 90s.
While I value my time off, the relaxation, I know that it is short-lived and I will soon be ‘back up and running’ as they say. And then the stress will return. The anxiety. At first avoiding situations. The stress of trying to overcome my fears. Sigh. Only this time I will not be doing extra-curricular activities.
I’m between Engineering and medicine.
Engineering - good, respectable career…don’t have to deal with stupid people, just your peers, which are fellow Engineers. Consistent hours (albeit probably long hours), you are not ‘on-call’. You work in an office, get holidays and weekends off (I presume?). Good money.
Medicine - Better money, seemingly more respectable…but the hours, and the community. Personal satisfaction from truly making a difference in someone’s life…or not.
I have just lost the patience to deal with people that are not on the same ‘level’…I know that sounds arrogant. I’m not delusional and believe myself to be the most intelligent human being on the planet (DEFINITELY NOT, what with my less-than-impressive grades from Life Sci), but I can’t stand to work with people that are narrow-minded, not analytic, lack-common-sense, and YET SOMEHOW FUNCTION IN SOCIETY. I don’t understand. I’m tired of answering to people who do not have similar/higher qualifications than I do.
A bachelor of science isn’t that high of a qualification. There is of course masters programs, people with 30+ years of experience in their field, Ph.D, MD, B.Eng, etc. But there’s also lower.
I’m going to go flip through my anatomy book now.
Oh, my netbook is in repairs. I am sad and missing it. At least it’s free though, still under the manufacturer’s warranty. Hard drive started to die :( RIP Acer Netbook. See you in two weeks.
the things that provoke emotion from you.
I started listening to this song originally because I liked it and was curious as to if there was a video/what it looked like.
Then I got emotional over the fact that these young boys were stealing from a helpless ice-cream truck driver.
Like deeply emotional, but without crying.
I’ll tell you why.
It reminds me of these dip-shit douche-bag classmates I had/hated in the 7th or 8th grade who told me they had been bothering my dad by throwing a football into our backyard some time ago, and he’d have to retrieve it and throw it back over the fence to them…but they were just being stupid and annoying while he was trying to mow the lawn. To this day it makes me FURIOUS because what these fucking retards didn’t understand back then was that my dad has a heart condition, and he’s had a heart attack before, and that if something happened to him…I would just, disintegrate. My dad was already working hard in the garden, he didn’t need the additional stress of these STUPID good-for-nothing, are now-currently-and-will-forever-be-going-NOWHERE-useless-bags-and-leeches-on-society-taking-up-precious-air-and-SPACE. These same douche-bags were part of a group of people that tormented me in elementary/middle school, to top it all off. My carnal sense (my id if you will) is telling me that I wish I could behave violently towards them if given the chance, but my ego is telling me that would not be socially acceptable and it would make me seem crazy and irrational for even thinking it.
It’s amazing how this video, made for entertainment purposes and nothing more, evoked these memories when it had nothing to do with my story.
Every time I see good-for-nothing young boys like this, it reminds me of those idiots I once dealt with…and the harm they could have done to my dad. I know that a father’s role is to protect HIS daughters, but believe me when I say that if given the opportunity I would DEFEND and PROTECT MY PAPA BEAR TO THE DEATH. And I wish I had slapped those boys the day they told me this and laughed at me.
I can just picture how strained he was to be doing this physical activity in the hot summer heat, how it epitomizes their hard work balancing so many tasks, and then I think about all the sacrifices my parents have made for me and my siblings, the unconditional love…and well, I’m ending this blog post in close to tears. I’m not even going to bother finishing the video.
I want to move in with Anton. We want to start our lives together already…we’re emotionally, so to speak, ready, but nowhere near financially prepared.
I went to my friend Shannon’s the other day to catch-up, and she had brought up that her boyfriend and her had a joint account. I found this very surprising because I had previously assumed that only married couples were allowed this type of arrangement. Apparently not.
Obviously, opening a joint account with someone is ‘risky’, but I believe that you should know who you’re in a relationship with before you do something like that. I trust Anton, and we decided sometime maybe even in the near future we’re going to open up a joint account so we can start saving up for things together.
Ex. Nice dinners
Ex. Little/big getaways, like trips to Niagara Falls or the trip we want to take to Montreal for his reading week in February, or a trip somewhere tropical…or Poland next summer
Ex. OUR OWN APARTMENT TOGETHER
I’m happy to start this next chapter in my life. Done school now officially - I have to say, it feels amazing. Since I quit my full-time job at the clinic, I’ve just been relaxing. It’s WONDERFUL. First time IN MY LIFE where I have had no responsibilities…aside from volunteering for 2.5 hours on Sundays at the hospital (not a big deal).
I’ve never felt so relaxed in my entire life. No anxiety or depression, or phobias. I’m like a normal person again. This is just what I needed.
I should start looking for another job though, to pay off my credit card finally, save up for OSAP payments, and for tuition when I apply as an Engineering student again…among other things.
I’m content where I am right now…proud of the degree hanging on my wall, but also VERY happy to just do nothing for the next little while…before it all starts again.
I am craving two things right now.
1) a big fat piece of chocolate cake - the one from costco. OMG.
2) MY BF.
And I can’t have either at the moment ;-;
Back to watching Sex and the City…
I just got in not too long ago from a super romantic one-night getaway at Niagara Falls with my love. I bought it for him on wagjag for his birthday next week, and it ended up being so much more fun than I could have imagined!
I originally pictured we’d just go to the hotel and chill, enjoy each other’s company, etc, and go out for the dinner that came with the coupon - but I had no idea Niagara Falls had so many other attractions aside from the falls themselves!
Here’s how the last 24 hours looked;
I picked up Anton right after work at 4:30pm yesterday. We checked in at around 6:00pm and started to get ready for our dinner at the Skylon Tower - Revolving Dining Room! IT WAS AMAZING! Totally amazing dining experience - so romantic. Anton and I haven’t had a nice romantic dinner like that in ages. We got a tonne of great pictures. Also, since we ordered drinks off a certain menu, they came with these adorable mini-skylon tower glasses! I gave it to my dad for our bar :)
We got 40$ off dinner and free parking with the coupon that we got with the wagjag deal :D
Then we went back to the room, watched a repeat of England vs Ukraine in Eurocup…snuggled ^_~, and then went downstairs to Don Cherry’s bar that’s attached to the hotel and got some beers, and Anton got more food…I don’t know where that man fits all that food. I was so full at that point.
Then when we got back to the room I CRASHED into the wonderful king-sized bed with its millions of soft pillows <3
And it was a wonderful sleep.
We woke up at 9:00am - went to the pool for a nice hour-long swim. Showered/got dressed for breakfast at the hotel. I got omlette :3
Then we went back to the room to get our stuff together and checked out - and so began our day wandering around the falls.
We spent most of our time at Clifton Hill with all the fun rides and attractions :D
We bought a Fun Pass - which came with 5 attractions; first we went on the Skywheel (Ferris Wheel overlooking the Falls), then we went to Movieland Wax Museum - both of those were fun.
Then we got to go on this ride called the Ghost Blaster - where you get 3D glasses and this coaster takes you through a ‘haunted’ maze where you shoot ghosts - I won!
Then we went to Galaxy Golf mini-putt :) and finally on another ride called XD Theater, Cosmic Coaster. It was a little theater where the chairs moved as the roller coaster in the film did - with 3D glasses of course.
We grabbed lunch at the Rainforest Cafe <3 haven’t been there since elementary school. It was cute :)
FINALLY to end our little adventure, we went on the Maid of the Mist. It was spectacular. Got drenched hahaha.
All in all, I was pooped at the end of it, and it was an excruciatingly hot day, especially with the uphill streets, but it was such a wonderful experience.
It was one of those days that I didn’t want to end. And now I’m sitting in my room still thinking about my boyfriend, listening to lovey/romantic songs. I feel like I’m obsessed - it’s mental. I love him SO much. I wish we lived together, so we could come home to each other, and so I could take care of him (and vice versa of course).
We could be napping together right now. Le sigh :) someday <3
We talk about our futures together all the time. We really see it someday - the nice big house, and a happy life…possibly children. I’m still warming up to that idea. That’s SO far in the future, it’s too early to think about that.
But I do have people that I know that are in my age-group that are engaged and getting married now/soon…makes me think :) <3
He’s so perfect for me. We don’t always agree on everything, and we’ve had our big fights, but he’s seriously the love of my life. I’m ready to settle down with him :)